The funniest jokes on the net

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English wha…

"How are your hemorrhoids?" "Swell."

Dermatologist: Good News my dear, aftr looking through your test results I'm happy to report you will no longer be plagued by pimples. Girl: Wow! That's great! Why? Dermatologist: There's no mor

Nurse: Doctor, Doctor, there's an invisible man in the waiting room! Doctor: Well, go in there and tell him I can't see him!!

Yo mama so ugly, when she was in labor the doctor asked which end!

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner: Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you listen to the hea…

A man and his wife entered a dentist's office. The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You'…

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52, tried to cure his sexual impotence by having a penis transplant -- using a donkey as the donor. The wire service Agence France-Presse reported …

��� Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on. ��� The first surgeon said, "I like operating on librarians.� When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order".…

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. The farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at…

    With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society...     DIRECTRA -- a dose of this drug given to men bef…

Yo mama's so smelly, when you were being delivered, the doctor was wearing the oxygen mask.

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as sh…

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wante…

Bill was in the hospital for a complete check-up. At 11:00AM, they brought him soup for lunch. He refused it. At 2:00PM, they again tried to serve him some soup, which he refused. Again, at 5:00PM an…

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS president Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story: On March 23…

She is so blonde that she studied for a blood test -- and failed.

Hey, if I pay for the plastic surgery will you do it?

What do eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice? Polaroids!

Jon and Dan were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they answered correctly, they were deemed cured and free …

A man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally sawed off all ten fingers. He quicky rushed to the emergency room. The doctor there told him, “Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can …

''I would like to see a woman dentist,'' said the first man. ''Why?'' asked his friend. ''Because it would be a pleasure to have a woman say, 'open your mouth' instead of 'shut up.'''

A man and a woman meet in a hospital donation clinic. The man says to the woman, "What are you here to give?" She says, "I'm here to give blood. I get paid $5." The man says, "Oh, I'm here to do…

Q: What's the best time for a dental appointment? A: Tooth-thirty.

An old man goes to his doctor and says, “I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be, what should I do?” The doctor replies, “Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is …

Q: What's the difference between a gynecologist and a geneologist? A: One looks up the family tree, and the other looks up the family bush.

This guy is in the hospital with two broken legs that he got from a car crash. The nurse comes into the room that he is in and says that she has good news and bad news. The guy asks for the bad n…

Did you hear about the depressed proctologist? He's been feeling down in the dumps.

An old lady's husband had just died and she felt their was no reason to live anymore. She called the doctor and asked excactly where her heart was. He told her it should be under her left breast. Th…

One day, a blonde went to the doctor's office with a carrot in one ear, a cucumber in the other ear and two peas up her nose. When the doctor asked what was wrong, she complained she wasn't feeling w…